Ern has stopped taking naps for a week now. She wakes up at 7 in the morning and sleeps at 7 in the evening and I too, wakes up with her. Which means my sleep debt is snowballing (not forgetting a milk monster to nurse every 1.5 hourly) yawnz…
Zi ern is a month old now. She does look different from the first time I set my eyes on her. That one month passed so fast, too fast. During that month, ern showed generousity, care and immense love towards her little sister. She loved her dearly. She never once rejected her little sister or wanted her away from me. The only thing ern wanted was the same kind of attention and time with me. When she saw that I couldn’t be with her 100%, she threw her tantrums at me. Saying hurtful words… But I know she didn’t mean it and I can completely understand why she is feeling that way. I felt bad. We spoke about it a few times (ern and I). Explained a few times and things got better. Now ern finally understands that no matter what, mummy still loves her. Not a teeny weeny bit less. She can even tell me ern is the first baby, zi ern is the second, and all are mummy’s favourites.
Today we went for lunch after her shichida class. We had our first meal together as a family at Kenny Rogers. Zi ern slept throughout the meal, ern checked on her every now and then to make sure she is not crying. Walking in the mall, carrying zi ern in my sling and holding ern’s hand while ee fann carry all the bags, I felt so blissful.
I remembered feeling confused and uncertain if I could love both the same. I finally got my answer today. A mother’s unconditional love for her children is never ending. It’s in abundance. (but we will stop at 2, thank you)